1. Fuck bitches get money


  2. artnarcotics:



    we live in a world where the pizza arrives faster than the police

    Well the pizza driver faces consequences when their job isn’t done right.


    (via tinkerpistol)

  3. Same

    (Source: paultoes, via dona-nobispacem)

  4. rufiozuko:


    Total lunar eclipse for the Americas on April 14th 15th 2014

    wow… it’s a bit cloudy in beverly hills… but this shot is amazing.

    (via quae-perierunt-die)


  5. professorsugoi:






    (Source: , via busket)


  6. I can’t find a pizza cutter. I’m gonna eat it whole.


  7. Why doesn’t the oven know that pizza is a sacred food item and that burning it is a great disrespect


  8. thetechnicolortrenchcoat:

    Today is Copernicus’s 541th birthday. You may remember Copernicus as the man who said “Hey, what if the Earth went around the sun?” To which the Catholic Church replied “Hey, what if we set you on fire?” 

    (via cryingalonewithfrankenstein)


    1. Tristen: I can see your contacts
    2. I was thinking: I can see your soul

  9. Omg I’ve been using the iPhone 4’s voice over so much I read everything in his voice in my head wtf is happening to me

  10. bombisbomb:

    Galaxy Junk at Couple Parel

    I want them all

    (via cylo)

  11. I got proof a boy likes me


  12. Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

    1. Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
    2. Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
    3. Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
    4. Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
    5. Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
    6. Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
    7. Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
    8. Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
    9. Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
    10. Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
    11. Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
    12. Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
    13. Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
    14. Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
    15. Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
    16. Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
    17. Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
    18. Dad: Fuck the government.
    19. Dad: Fuck the school board.
    20. Dad: Close the door.
    21. Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
    22. Dad: I love puns.
    23. Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
    24. Dad: Please shut up.
    25. Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
    26. Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
    27. Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
    28. Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
    29. Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
    30. Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
    31. Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
    32. Dad: They act like I care what they think.
    33. Dad: I hate homework.
    34. Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
    35. Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
  13. Hey look I have a boyfriend